Graduations are joyous occasions, times in young scholars’ lives when their family and friends come together to celebrate the passing of one of life’s great milestones. I would like to submit, for review by the Midnight Society (?) that graduation is an incredibly awkward occasion.
First, there is the constant threat that some kid you drank with once freshman year will come embarrass you in front of your family.
“Dude, you remember that time when we ran around the Beach with our pants down? I’m gonna miss that, dude!”
“Uh, who are you? My pants have been up all of college.” Turning to your parents, mouthing, “I don’t know this kid, I spent 98% of my free time in the library and the other 2% walking from home to the library. He must be drunk. I hear that some kids drink in college, I don’t know what that is about, though.”
This interaction is awkward on two levels. Even though your parents might believe that the kid is some random drunk, the fact that someone brought up your alleged partying might cast a doubt in their mind about your claims to have been a library mole. Second, it’s unbelievably difficult to turn and mouth that much to your parents so that (1) they will understand your non-speaking, and (2) the “random” “drunk” kid won’t hear you and further attempt to make you remember his “spurious” story.
If you are like me, however, and actually did spend 100% of your time either in the library or getting to and from the library, you need not worry about That guy. Your GPA will probably reflect all those hours studying...
A more real and pressing concern is the ubiquitous graduation hug. Over 4 years at college, you meet a lot of people. Some go on to become your close friends. Others are more aptly categorized as acquaintances. Note—acquaintances are NOT the same as people you don’t like, they are merely friends who aren’t in your crew. Anyway.
So here’s the scene. You just graduated. Diploma in hand, you go find your family and friends for pictures and hugs and whatnot. You want to find all your close friends, have your parents meet their parents, take pictures with them, make plans for future geometric tables, all the usual things. Suddenly, above define acquaintance taps you on the shoulder. You turn.
“Hey! Congratulations!”
“Hey! You too!”
And then, the moment of truth. The world slows down, and you are presented with two choices, like a choose-your-ending book, except here, you can’t read all the endings.
You can (1) accept the impending graduation hug. Keep in mind, however, everything that comes with the hug: meeting said acquaintances extended family, discussing plans after graduation, what you’re going to name your first-born. Everything.
Or, you can (2) artfully (yes, it is an art) and awkwardly get out of the hug and, therefore, the subsequent duties.
“Hey! Congratulations!”
“Hey! You too!”… [silence]… “Alright, well, uh, im feeling a little backed up right now. But I’ll catch up with you after, yeah!?”
“Yeah, totally!”
And you’re free.
