I'm Back

Alright ladies...don't worry. I know it has been a while since my last post, but if you stay tuned, I may or may not post. My posts from now on will be concerned with current events, not on the great debates and conundrums of life. Sometimes, however, I will comment on the great debates and conundrums of life. With that I leave with a saying that was once said by some great man..."Let the day go on as long as I am willing to have the day not become night. For it is the day that is not the night."

middle earth vs. middle america

A long-standing point of contention among scholars is the debate over which is superior: Middle Earth or Middle America. Both regions have their merits and both, their faults, and for eons, the argument over which of these two is better has raged on. Here, on this historic day, I will put to rest this age-old dispute.

Now, it is unclear which of the Middle’s was first. Obviously Middle America exists right now, but other, equally bored scholars, have sparred over whether Middle Earth has happened, or is to come. I will address this matter later and, therefore, will not include any arguments that involve one Middle copying the other.

Let us first discuss the positives:

Middle America is a vast land with seemingly infinite resources. It is well protected from attack, rising ocean levels, and Disney World/Land. The roads are open, and the people are friendly. The civilized East and West coasts are only a flight away and, most importantly, the natural beauty of Middle America is unrivaled.

Middle Earth is also a vast land with seemingly infinite resources. The Shire, at least, is well protected from attack, and there are no amusement parks. The region has retained its generally rustic look, with citizens opting not pave the roads and build high-rise buildings. Its natural beauty is also just as varied and beautiful as that of Middle America. What separates Middle Earth from Middle America is magic. Ancient spells and wizards are abundant. Glowing swords and water, enchanted caves and ghost warriors—all make Middle Earth an enticing place to stay.

Now that we have documented the good, let us discuss the bad:

Middle America, while being well protected from attack, is also insulated from the rest of America and the world. This isn’t meant to be a social or political commentary on Middle America, but recently, I witnessed a woman who described everything, from the bus we were traveling on to Mike Huckabee, as nice. My brain hurt. Traveling from place to place, we were repeatedly subjected to the same mediocre food and rude treatment from these supposedly friendly people. Our bus driver lamented over the fact that men don’t wear top hats every day because, as he said, “I’m a hat person, myself.”

Middle Earth has much more serious problems. While, right now, it is in a period of relative peace, Lord Sauron could rebuild his army and attack again. Also, even though he is “gone,” those loyal to Sauron still act as double agents. The threat of orc attack is very real, and bad magic is everywhere.

In the end, Middle Earth wins. Not only is there magic and hobbits, but there are no RV’s and bad food. Plus, with friends like Aragon and Legolas, I am instantly more popular than I am as a minority in Middle America.